Before I traveled to San Diego, I had this idea that it was a sexy city and if I moved there, that I too, would become desirous.
I say that as if I am not already. Sexy and desirous. I am, and yet, what is the word that makes men make moves? When they decide they want this woman in their life.
I want to be that woman that makes a man say yes, you. And so far, it hasn’t been my brains or body, wit or athleticism, good humor or kind heart. All of me isn’t attracting all that I want and what I desire.
So I stay in motion. When I walked for two hours downtown, I realized that everyone was also elsewhere – the beach, probably. But it was clear that this was not a place to stay, let alone live. The map on my phone wasn’t matching the reality of the streets. There was no one, and nothing to do.
In so many ways, I am waiting for my life to start. But where? It hasn’t been anywhere I’ve already been, with the men that live there. And what a small world that is when you are meant to make love and do worldly things.