One of the biggest shifts I made in 2022 was taking my heart out of work and putting it into people, places, and things. I have to create a life now, for real. I knew it was going to require connection – a hook, line, and sinker kind of commitment to building relationships; but I also knew it was going to require an emotional security that I didn’t yet have. Are you ready to love who you are? And let people love you?
I was ready to find out.
All year I have been writing about operating (i.e., making decisions) from a heart space as well as the good vibrations that high-frequency emotions bring – it is sustainable energy. But I was especially aware of how these two things made me feel and most importantly, how it was changing me; that is, it returned me to my natural state of being.
It shouldn’t have been surprising, but it has been so long – I am quite naturally a high-vibe person who wants to have fun and always be on the edge of laughter. Play truly is my love language, and there are a lot of ways to do this as an adult.
When I was with friends in the Dominican Republic, we talked about the various ways we were creating life together with family, friends, and significant others: how no one really knows how to makes friends as an adult, the longing to live close to and/or spend time with aging parents, communication quirks and necessities in marriage, fertility options, and the joys and terrors of raising children. How you didn’t think it was possible to love another human being any more than you already could, until you have more children. When you are in love – as a way of living, not something you simply fall into – it truly does overflow.
There is so much seriousness in the world, and I have always been sincere, if not too earnest, in what I’m looking for in a partner (i.e., lover + best friend combo). Indeed, there is a (short) list of practical things like self-awareness, and the ability to problem solve and make good decisions. But if there is anything this year has taught me so far, connection is light and airy, playful, and I need someone who is in love with themselves as much as they are with me; a security in being alone and a blessing when together – a choice you choose every day because there is only so much you can create by yourself.
This is what I don’t yet know about myself: co-creating life together with someone. Being in relationship, no doubt, will unlock the unknown, unknown parts of me. When asked how many kids I wanted (3-5, a tribe) and where I wanted to put down roots (wherever family already is), I felt the weight of not having a partner to imagine that life with; of absence. But I also felt the buoyancy and buzz of possibility – that this is a lot closer than I realize; of presence, place, and proximity. And in that moment, I felt the shift from if to when.